Oasis

Walking in the endless desert of my day through the heat…

I look ahead and see a mirage- a lovely place of refuge.

Treading through the hot sand all day has worn me down.

Troubles have beat down on me like the desert sun.

I long for the cool refreshing pools of your eyes,

The luxurious comfort of being in your arms…

You are my oasis. One kiss from you and I’m renewed.

Here I am standing at the crossroads wanting to avoid the loss-

A bell can’t be unrung and certain lines are hard to un- cross.

Troubled hearts either way- Can’t go both places at the same time-

Still I pause for a moment to think it through, choose my way and climb.

Keep on

Keep writing, keep trying, pushing on and on and on,
Keep climbing, keep striving, keep working to be strong,
You can and will overcome, you have the power to tap into-
And it is your power alone- The choice is up to you.

Twists and Turns

Twists and turns, oh how are we to know,
How are we to know what the future holds?

We can plan and prepare, but how are we to know?
How can we really know what the future holds?

Upturns and down, but how are we to know?
When it's time to buy and hold, or sell and go?

How are we to know what's around the bend,
How can we plan as far as the weekend-

Twists and turns, love, how are we to know?
We never truly know which way life will go.

Jagged Misunderstanding

She pushes one way, he the other.
He sees that they are holding together.
She sees that they are cooperating...
There's a jagged piece of misunderstanding
They've been ignoring it though it's between...
It smoothed out and became beautiful-
but what's a pearl to a two-sided clam?

Spellbound

When you found the courtyard, I felt the wind kick up and my spirit whirled like fall leaves…
You entered the garden right through the gate as if you’ve always belonged there.
You followed the path, enjoying the fragrance of the flowers and the shade of the Willows…
Noticing that everything looked a little wilted and dry, you felt your own thirst building.

You circled around and stopped to sample some of the fruit that was ripe and ready.
You continued across the arching bridge, and then were overwhelmingly compelled-
You ran across the cobblestone and dove deep into the fountain, all the way down.
You came up and finally saw me, encapsulated in stone, waiting for freedom.

You circle around me, wondering what artist could have made such a compelling piece.
My bare feet are poised one in front of the other, ready to step off of this pedestal.
My arms reach up and out, my hands open. The expression on my face is longing and hope.
Perplexed, you trace your wet hand down my shoulder, and place it on my heart.

You’re astonished to discover that my heart is beating as the stone melts under the water.
You reach back to the fountain and collect more water, then pour it over my face.
The fire in my eyes is intense as I watch you continue to wash the stone off of my body.
You help me down to the fountain and wash me in the water till I'm renewed- I’m free.

Free to move, free to speak, free to love, free to live. We smile as our gaze meets.
The fountain is constantly running now. Water overflows into the brook, hydrating all.
We walk through the magic garden and find a resting place among the willow trees.
Freed from the stone- free, but I"m spellbound again- I'm happily captivated by you.

I want to receive love, and return it back again,

Like the Ocean's tide, cheered on by the wind.

I want to be the moon that drives you closer still,

You will be the sun that lights my every day.

Stepping Stones...

I have a celestial garden I've been growing and building. Surrounded by weeping willows with beautifully hanging branches, peaceful green grass,
Fragrant flowers and lots of fruits and vegetables to enjoy- and in the center of my garden- the Fountain of Love.
The Fountain flows freely- covering all parts of the garden. It's composed of Agape and Philia, but Eros is missing…
I have been searching all my life, working through trial and error to complete my Fountain… but I have only found stepping stones:


A vacuum block is not a good stepping stone- the first to miss-use my Eros love- but he imploded, and I left him in his own mess.

Quicksand mixed with cement is no good material for a stepping stone. I was set with him, but he sucked everything in and ruined it.

I found a fantastic stepping stone- it was warm and enticing- but I was deceived. I was burned by hot coals turned black- not safe at all.

A secure piece of granite - I thought this would be a good one. It turned out to be a stepping stone made of spongy wood- rotting inside.

Then there was a beautiful, original piece of art who refused to be anything except a stepping stone- and a stepping stone he was proud to be.


So I have experienced those unfit pieces- good and bad, fake and real… I still want to find the one who is fit to complete the Fountain of Love in which we can flow together outside of time and space…
I've learned disappointment and danger from stepping stones of the past… I've learned to be selective; I've thrown the bad ones out.
I'm looking at the best one yet- hoping in time, I'll discover that he's the one conducive to Eros with me- not just another stepping stone.

It's all Greek to you?

Agape- "brotherly love" or love regarding kinship

Philia- love regarding friends

Eros- passionate, romantic love

Inner Strength

I am here with a job to do, Responsible first, always done.
To take care of others, to give with heart- true
Oh dependable, I am the one.

Now the way of this hasn't changed, focus sharp, I continue,
To help and serve others- just rearranged,
I think I have more of a clue...

Build a well within and you'll stay strong, I can now see clearer-
Neglecting the inner source is wrong,
Take care of the one in the mirror.

I know I can't tell you about

How things are gonna work out,

I konw the future is an ocean,

and we'll be guided by emotion,

I know that right now, it's all new-

I know I want to spend time with you.



Oh budding love, spicy and sweet,

Mmm Excitement and certainly heat,

The future is before us and bright,

Wow, all through the day and night,



I'm so glad I have this with you.



My skin tingles for your touch,

Our time apart, I miss you so much-

I want to be near you in any place,

So I can look in your eyes, see your face-

I want to talk and hear your voice-

I know I've made a wonderful choice...



As time goes by, the seasons slip through-

I know I want to spend them with you.

In Over My Head

I'm holding on, high above the water,
I come down to drink when I want to.
Catching my heart, it's only you I see,
Yet scared of the water- I hug my tree.
I'm stable here, I hold on and stay still.
I’ve fallen before. You’re too good to be real.

Still I'm captivated and I want to know,
The wonderful person you are, so...
I climb down to the water- still holding on-
To feel you near me, so free and strong.
Pausing, I consider this dilemma,
Possibilities and past pain I remember.

I make the choice to join you in the flow…
To gain freedom and love - I’m letting go.
Oh I know I'm diving in over my head,
I expected fear, but have hope insead-
Diving deeper, I relax and go under-
I'm in deep: in love, joy and wonder.

Wedding Dance Floor

The world around us turns to wind-

blurring as we lock blue eyes...

My heart jumps as we both smile,

With the future laid out before us.

I bite my lip and I'm overwhelmed

Love surrounds us like fragrance

As we dance and sing the romance

Embracing, this moment is ours.

You, my drug of choice

You are my drug of choice,

Oh desire to quit, I voice,

but it only takes one kiss,

My boundaries cease to exist.

All my thoughts and senses,

broken down all my fences,

No more the locks on the doors,

I am yours, uh, fully yours.

Addictive, I'm hungry for you,

Still I know what you'll do,

You'll satisfy me and take,

Oh it's my heart at stake.

Gotta put you down, stop.

Oh time ticks by on the clock,

One more time, mmm just one,

It's okay as long as it's still fun!

You're so sexy and strong,

Still I know that it's wrong,

Uh, Giving my self to you

In the end you'll leave me blue.

Goddess of the stars

The stars shooting across the sky,
The reflection I see in your eyes,
The warm wind surrounding our embrace,
Moonlight reveals your smiling face…

Sparks fly and the worlds collide,
Oh the passion would not be denied.
Way out here, the world is ours.
I am your goddess of the stars…

fire

Where did it come from? he asks with a kiss
The fire behind the sparks between,
It’s always been there, she replies,
There’s nothing here but you and me.

The fire burns upon the sun,
Unstoppable, inconsumable, ever hot.
Mmm just being near those arms…
I felt the solar flares within…

I’ll walk alone upon the moon…
Though the heat is what I desire.
The stars must align for us.
Only then can we enjoy our fire.

Romance

Three parts attraction,
Two parts timing,
Two parts mindful pace,
Three parts compatibility...

Go out and shake it together,
Stir occasionally at a metered pace.
Warm over good conversation,
Take your time, give it patience,
Take it slow and don't get burned.

Just Friends

We have reached the top; good as it gets.
Seen from two different perspectives-
The glass that is half full or half empty,
Mocks, fulfilling none. It's not enough.

My heart beats opposite yours,
I have too much and you have loss,
I am bursting while you are dry.
Is it better to be too full or empty?

My heart, the photographic negative,
Exactly the same, only different.
Though bursting, I can't fill yours,
Though dry, you can't relieve mine.

Time to just cut off the flow. sigh.
Though we shall stay connected.
Back to neutral, between joy and pain.
Freedom and peace- just friends.

Dream

In anticipation, I wait for you,
Waiting for when you come to me,
the thrill of the thought almost too much,
Intense desire for you; desire for US.

In restless dreams you know my name
You call me by name and invade
Moving as you please, dominate...
I'll submit, I am your sweet slave-

My pleasure; what ever your desire,
TAKE, take what ever you want.
I'm yours, yours alone and complete.
Pandoras box thrown open- hear me,

Hear me cry out in sheer ecstacy...
Sensual chocolate, Erotic spice.
Anticipation savored, but eventually-
We will devour, and then caress; satisfied.

Stuck between the day and the night,
Pulled each way by heart and mind,
No co-existing with light and dark,
And you can't actually grasp either.

Floating between sky and ground
Pondering former natural law
Weightlessness and elements,
Communication strong, no words

A fine line divides sleep and awake
Stretching my being taut and thin
Then twisted and twirled and bound.
Shouting whispers I wake; perplexed.

Self Deceit

I hear my heartbeat in my head

Like footsteps on the sand.

I know well my self deceit,

It washes up on land.



Cold, and it tastes like tears,

I stuff it down; say, "die."

The mirror image of my joy

So far yet shadowed nigh.



I squint my eyes against the light

That which invades my head,

I taste the truth and swallow it-

Wishing it were dead.



I hear the footprints in the sand,

Of times future and past,

I know my own self deceit,

And I know it cannot last.

Sweet moonlight.

Raging along at a quickened pace,
My thoughts and frustrations I try to outrace,
Working them out in the warm evening air,
Over my head, the streetlights glare.

Concentrating as my feet hit the ground,
heightened awareness, I feel my heart pound,
The sweat on my back as my body heats,
The length of my stride as I cross the streets...

I round a corner, catch sight of the moon,
I feel the breeze as my mind plays a tune,
My pace slows and I smell the green grass
I no longer feel the need to move fast.

The light of the moon in a darkened sky,
So beautiful I stopped to sigh,
I noted the wonderful things all around,
And headed home with the peace I found.

Hot Date

Oh a pretty shiny shell,
closed up nice and tight,
A very handsome man
wants to take me out tonight.

A crustacean hard and strong,
Can protect against the tide,
But it's nothing wonderful
If it's already dead inside.

On the Water

We each have control of our own little boat,
We take on the waves, and we each stay afloat.
We paddle around, heading here, going there...
We bob on the water as a floating pair.

Holding each other's boat, we ponder life,
Waves strike us- reality cuts in like a knife.
Our two boats together- I look in your eyes.
Our lives are like this moment, I realize.

Together here, we've less chance to go under,
But we'll go nowhere holding onto each other.
We have to be free to paddle and propel,
To move forward; to feel like we're getting somewhere.

So true companions on life's water we are,
But if we are too attached, we won't go far.
We'll be there for each other as loving friends,
Enjoying one another as much as life lends.

Weather

I see the sunshine but it's so far off,
The rain here smatters my face.
I see the sun rays behind dark clouds,
Surreal- like I'm in a strange place.

I have the light; family and friends-
My health and my children too...
Oh I have darkness- and it pours down,
The rain of what makes me blue.

I feel the rain on my hair and skin,
And I know that I'm alive,
The sun is bigger than all the clouds,
This is the lesson I derive:

When sun and rain combine
and the wind begins to blow-
Look around and search for beauty-
Seek and find the rainbow.

Timing

I still remember that kiss on my lips,

I can still smell your cologne and skin.

You arms held me in a gentle grip...

Is the timing right? Has it ever been?



A refreshing light shone on your face,

Mmm caught my eye like never before-

And I wondered as I sat in my place

How much you and I might explore...



Or if it's too late; if that spark is gone,

My secret revealed- it was always there

But maybe we aren't meant to belong...

Has all we've been through led us here?



Will your heart be forever set on her?

If so, respectfully I wish you the best!

I'll still admire you as a friend for sure.

And always hope you two are blessed...

I know the danger in playing with fire,

You’ve always been fasinating to me.

I’ve been addicted to you in the past,

I convinced myself that I was free…

I enjoyed being captive and sometimes dream,

That things may have gone differently

Still the memories I have are treasures,

Kept only for us- kept hidden within me.

I buried the fire, and thought it was out,

As I tranced into the forest to explore,

Little did I know, that there stayed a glow

And a spark flew up and surprised me…

That’s all.

This Moment

Can't live in the past, no bell can be unrung.
No more thinking on what can't be undone.

Spent too much energy on hopes for the future.
An epiphony hits me as I develop and mature.

Time is life's bank account, each moment- currency
We determine how we spend- if we're poor or wealthy.

I choose to live the present, before the moment is gone.
I'll spend wisely and live in the now- it's where I belong.

Freedom in Friendship...

Take me as I am; this is just me.

And be as you are- please, be free.

I'd rather have you; quality and faults

What's good, what's not- I want it all.



What I don't want is to hide anything

I don't want the lies that hiding brings.

I want it all now, right up front

No sugar coating, please be blunt.



This is me; what you see's what you get.

I'll be open because I refuse to fret-

What will she say, what will he think-

It's all a waste of my sweet energy.



This is me; the good and the bad.

Be my friend anyway, I'll be glad,

Let me go, that's okay too-

I'll afford the same respect to you.



Be as you are when we hang out,

I promise not to judge or doubt.

We are who we are- right or wrong,

Being free makes our friendship strong.

Heart's Doing Time

My heart is in a cage; I will not let it out.
It needs to stay locked up, I have no doubt.

Last time I let it go, it ran wild and crazy,
It broke into pieces 'cause I let it run free.

I didn't know the damage it could do-

A danger to itself and others too-

My heart is in a cage and there it will stay-
It needs time to heal- much time away.

After I've had time to make my heart tame,
After it mends and heals from this pain-

I'll let my guard down and set it free-
Until then, locked up safe in a cage it'll be.

Unreciprocated Energy Saved...

When you asked; my heart jumped in my chest,
I know the right answer but I want to say yes,
I’m writing this to you, but I don’t know why,
The typical ending is a disappointed sigh…

I’m done giving that kind of love away,
I have to remember- today’s a new day…
Not to reject you but I must answer no.
Down that road again, I will not go.

You give your best and they just take,

Hoping you won’t realize and wake:

It’s never how they said it would be,

They always pledge the best, you see-

But it never happens; the lesson is learned

As your heart- once again, heart gets burned,

Listen up, all you boys and girls-

Don't feed to the pigs your pearls.


They work to see how much you'll give,

They take from you if you're not selective,

Speaking promises and then renege,

Children, don't cast your pearls to pigs.

Oh all the good things they imply,

You can be sure it's a sham; a lie,

Sooner or later they'll give up the jig-

I've learned- don't cast your pearls to pigs.

Purple Velvet Satchel

My hands are full with the shards of my heart,
It breaks a little more as I try to speak…
With good intentions you embrace my arms,
The pieces fall again- tears wet my cheeks.


I drop to the floor on my hands and knees
This is me hurting and trying to heal.
Embarrassed, I begin to pick up my heart.
I’m still in shock; I don’t know how to feel.


Big pieces down to tiny- all over the ground.
Weeping, I pick them up one by one.
Wondering how this will ever get better-
I collect every piece and look up when I’m done.


I lift some Philia love up to the light,
Find a morsel of companionship- though fragile-
A few gems of caring and understanding...
And I put them into a purple velvet satchel.


I’ll keep the pretty piece of Eros love,
And the little bits of romance too,
I put my heart pieces aside for later,
and give the little satchel to you.


That satchel contains a delicate treasure-
I’ve picked out the most lasting part-
My friendship wrapped in soft purple velvet
Wear it- keep it close to your heart.

Oh I'm in deep- I just jumped right in.

The only constant is the swirling and tossing

One moment I barely get my bearings,

And the very next moment I get smashed.

Can't breath under the water but-

Under there I'm not pelted by the hail

or hell...

Waiting for the Spring~

The night has leached out all my strength
I finally drift off on the ocean of my tears
Only to wake again as the lack of your body
Crashes into me with the coolness of the night...

I shiver as the marrow in my bones turns to ice
And desperately chase the sleep that eludes me.
Can't drown in this sadness- I need to be strong.
I am torn between wanting you and the need to move on.

There's nothing that will numb my aching heart,
No choice but to feel this to the full, the tears spill out.
Oh this is my time of weakness- alone and cold
Wishing to be beyond longing for your warmth-

I guess this is the winter in the season of my grief,
The night stole my strength and punctured my heart
In this deep of darkness, hope is far out of sight...
But the dawn will arrive before forever comes to pass.

Before I know it, the light will reveal new blossoms
Everywhere I'll smell the fragrance of blooming Hope
And Peace will flow through me like a bubbling brook
Once again I'll see the healing Light and hurt no more.

In Between

In between sleep and awake,

You and I have always been.

In the space between dimensions,

You and I are connected within.

In reality I don't know you

I've never looked into your eyes-

But in a different world and time

At the Gate of Dreams it lies-

Our connection suspeneded there

Right next to the Fountain of Youth

Treasure beautiful and indeed rare-

Who knew?

I never would have guessed

That the sea I've never seen

Would be right here in rest

Where every breeze starts-

Where there's healing for broken hearts-

In the very center of all-- In between.

Release

Weight lifted off my face,
I can smile, I can truly smile...
Shackles broken, not a trace-
I can dance once again...

Out of the water I can breathe
I am free to breathe again
Eyes open, blinking against the light,
Free to move and make things right...

Broken but healing, there is hope-
There is always hope.

Seeds Sown.

Seeds that fall on shallow ground
Spring up with joy-
and quickly whither down
Because they have no roots.

That was our love.

To make fertile ground,
It takes time and much work
The soil isn't ready
Until it's nutrient rich.

What's sad is we could have had that.
We decided to skip those steps
And jump in as we were,
Based on potential, which we had.

Our love sprung up joyful and intense,
Only to die down and whither into-
Into what it became...
We had no roots built up.

Everyone was surprised
How we died down-
It was too soon to love,
and too soon to whither.

Sad and broken now,
No hope of revival.
We are a couple no more.

If Only We Were Perfect for Each Other...

If I had been perfect for you and you for me,

This is how I imagine it would be:



You:

You would treat me like a queen.

Without being asked you'd help me clean,

You'd really listen when I speak,

And hear me out on what I think.

You would support the decisions I make,

When it comes to my kids and the steps I take.

You'd make efforts to ensure I feel free,

To do what I want and feel I need.

You'd trust me to be yours alone,

And know I'd never wreck our home.

You'd love me for who I am each day,

And you'd be positive in what you say.



Me:

I would treat you like a king,

Come home from work, cook and clean,

Smile and never ever be mad,

Put off frustration- just be glad.

I'd do everything you'd tell me to,

Exacty the way you asked me to.

I'd encourage you to go and be free,

Do what you enjoy and feel you need...

I'd trust you to tell the truth to me,

And know you only act faithfully.

I'd understand everything you'd say,

And always respect you for feeling that way.

(Sob)..........................................(Sob)

If only, if only things................ had been different

If we were perfect for each...........other, we would get along,

We'd hold one another......and together be strong-

We didn't do that and now......it's all gone wrong.

No longer to each......other do we belong.

All thats left is......sorrow, regret

And this.....broken

Hea...rt.

We're doing the right thing...

You're here but you're gone...
You're working on moving on.


We're both hurting in Limbo
Waiting for the time you go.

My heart reaches for you,
My body too...

But I try to hold back
So you don't feel attacked.

Love isn't enough to keep us together,
It is the core but too much of the other,

You say it's for the best and I know it is,
But it's your skin and your touch I'll miss.

I still love you and my heart is broken,
As is yours- so you've spoken...

Our hands both naked without a ring,
But we're doing the right thing...

It's for the best and it's the right thing...
Though it hurts to my very soul.

Weighed down

My heart is drenched in sadness
Sadness so thick it's hard to beat.
The confusion and fear of mistakes
Weigh down so heavy on me.
I don't want to die but I wish for sleep
Deep peaceful sleep for as long as it takes
To heal from all this heartache.

The ocean dried up

My heart is cracked and broken
Like a shell upon the sand
I feel the life has left me
Alone and dry on the land
My tears fall one by one-
All my hopes are dried up and gone.

Cross Carefully…

Invisible lines throughout life-

Some are just like spider webs- secret and fine,

You barely sense them before you’re trapped.

Once you’ve cross certain lines,

It feels like the world has cracked-

And you know there is no easy way back.

Other lines crossed bring on new life…

Green grass and flowers and freedom abound…

And after you cross them you meet new strife

Suddenly the joy you had can’t be found.

And you wish that you could just turn around.

There are progressive lines crossed;

A small one here, a little one there…

Innocent at first, and judgment is tossed…

Then they grow and become too much to bear-

The price so deep you wish you hadn’t gone there.

Any new line is should be considered well-

Is it a moment of pain for the greater good?

Is it an instant of joy for a lifetime of hell?

Will it hurt anyone? Would it be rude?

Will it cause regret, is it fully understood?

Cross carefully!

It's Past Time...

Tired from nightmares and a broken heart.

He wants to fix it but where do we start?

All this time trading effort for pain,

Lots of potential but really no gain.

Only more grief ahead from this mistake,

Time to correct it and stop the heartache…

It will heal eventually…

What is real?

How can you tell me that your way is right and the rest of the world is wrong?

How can you say that you know the way- that yours is the only one strong?

How can you say, though I live the best way, that Hell is where I belong.

How can you tell me that I am lost if the Divine's not the same in your book?

Have you thought that all Scripture is valid; have you ever taken a look?

You get on me, but you don't see through that huge plank in your eye.

The Creator made all people and ways; truth is what you deny.

We're told to believe like children- but kids are easily deceived-

I don't konw all the answers, and that's okay; contrary to what I once believed.



What God wants, God will have- The Creator controls all things-

And will present the depths of the Spirit however it may please.

Men may interpret it differently according to their ways,

But I can learn from all of it, and that's how I'll spend my days.