Balanced

Standing upon a stack of issues a-top a slippery slope,
Maybe life isn't stable right now but I do have hope.

I've learned that all balance lies in the very core,
Just when I don't think I can handle any more,

I step up to another level and wonder how,
And I think I've found the answer now.

Stability is preferable, a solid ground taylored-
But "Smooth sailing doesn't build a strong sailor".

I have to balance better than a circus clown,
but I'll be stronger when I come down.

Too cold

I want the heat of our past desire
I want to look in your eyes and see the fire,
I want you to be crazy for me again,
I want the infatuation you say didn't end.
I want consideration and I want respect,
I want the joy past upon which I reflect.
I miss the poetry that flowed from my heart,
The music we had so strong at the start.
I wish we could go back and learn
How we could avoid losing that burn
Instead of replacing it with another
Where the only fire is anger with each other.
The poetry that flows from me no longer joy.
My speech and touch now seem to annoy.
My heart no longer goes lighter and higher,
It sinks with my tears and douces the fire.
How, tell me how could the heat be gone?
Where love, passion and joy belong,
There are tears, pain, and yes, still hope-
That it's only for now that we have to cope.
My sadness wells as I hope for even ground.
That we'll be okay as time goes around.
A happy medium between extremes-
Instead of the two we've had for themes.
Is middle ground the best to expect?
Can love's first magic ever come back?
Or was it just a deceiving trick,
It turned to anger and sadness so quick.
Will we find a rut to settle into?
Is this the best for me and you?
Passionless roommates monogomous?
No joy, but better than now- no fuss?
Our love once so sweet to the taste...
Ruined by marriage in haste.
A rut would be better than what we have now.
I'd turn it around but don't know how.
It still feels good to be in your arms,
I still enjoy your sweet charms,
there is good in almost every day-
I just want the negative to go away.
The good is there, potential abounds,
Is this a cycle that goes round and round?
What if there is no middle ground?
Can our hearts take all this up and down???
Are we trapped, destined to light and dark?
I miss the heat, miss feeling the sparks.
You say we're fine, and I'm dreading too much-
But I miss the passion and I miss your touch.

One blade of grass...

My Soul weeps and I lack the odacity to seek out a living God.

I've set up and knocked down my own pins.

The God of love is the God of pain and the judger of my sins.



She talks to those that she wants to when Her whim or will calls.

He takes Kings and makes examples of them- so say the stories of men.

He hardens hearts and sets up circumstances to punish

-and to bless...



Does the God of wrath, the God of love, the God of pain, the Creator of good and evil even notice me? Did She see my tears? Did she heed my cries? Did He let me suffer? Did She create the evil done to me and give my abusers the ability to hurt me as much as my ability to cry out in futility? Yeah.



As well as the strength to allow me to get out of a bad situation and right into the next. Yeah.



Does the God of all care to know me, despite years of faithful song and worship and study and diligence and long-suffering to the literal meaning of the word??? Yeah- or some would say.



I don't have the odacity to seek out this God, the Creator of all any longer; nor do I to shake my fist at the sky...

The Maker of Hell is also the maker of the children I serve, the sunset I observe in joy, and the sweet thing in life as well.



I am but a weed in miles and miles of field. One blade of grass.



All I can do is live life the best way I can, with as few regrets as possible and hope it's good enough- despite what my former brothers and sisters in the bible-thumping club would tell me.