Indifference

Always striving, always wanting,
Always struggling, always hunting,
Always awake, wishing for sleep,
Always in turmoil, longing for peace.

When will these struggles, struggles end?
You want to keep going, again and again.
You say it gets better, but it never does,
You say it will return, but it never was!
It never was healthy, it never was true.
It was a fear-performance, geared to you.

I can no longer stand to live on a stage.
I can no longer hold in resentment and rage.
I don't want to pretend that this life is okay,
I have just found myself, and won't go away.

I am who I am, I've discovered anew.
It doesn't go with how you want me to.
I am who I am, and I'll stay like this.
Though it's the passive me that you miss.

It is how it is, let's look at the core,
Indifference at best, there is no more.
Indifference, a "dark aura around my soul",
But how did it get there, Dark as coal?
It was experience, so up and so down,
Every day, every day, I cried at your frown.

Threaten to end it, I won't get upset.
You try your fear tactics, my response to get.
I'm not afraid anymore, I'm stronger now.
You try to hurt me but no longer know how.

You hate that I'll walk if the abuse resumes,
You hate when I no longer feel the dooms,
When you threaten to leave, it makes me yawn
Cause I'm indifferent, and I am that strong.
Not that I don't care, don't get me wrong...

If I didn't care at all, I wouldn't be here,
We've been together more than 13 years,
I did all I could now I have nothing left,
No more tears to cry- indifference at best.
Believe me, right now, that's as good as it gets.

Entangled

How was I to know? How was I to see?
I was flying along, and the web entangled me.
Oh some tried to warn me, but I didn't catch
That I would be the hungry spider's next batch.
I was young, and the alternative looked so bad,
Not realizing the wrong of the situation I had.
It's not the spider's fault, he needed the love,
So he set his trap between the branches above,
I flew right into it, and decided to stay...
Now so stuck, tied up, all I can do is pray.
God get me out of this entangled mess!
I'm desparately tired of struggling and need rest.
Help the spider's heart not to break and haste-
Oh give him someone else to satisfy his tastes.
I sure tried though I knew it was wrong,
I was a parentless teen, trying to fly along...
Little did I know this would take my whole life,
Dispite 20 years difference, I became the spider's wife...
I pretended to be a spider for all these years,
Trapped in his web, taking abuse, stuffing tears...
Just now I realize that Whoa, A spider, I am not.
I am a butterfly, and at life, I want another shot.
Let me go, let me fly away from here, let me go.
I want to be free to explore the woods and the meadow.

I want to fly like you always knew I could,

If you would only let me go, then fly I would...

Assertive Rose

The garden rose is so beautiful,
Petals so soft and lovely in color,
Her perfume is always appealing,
The sign of love, never offending...

She is known for her ability to please,
And her thorns are forgotten-
Her blossom is the focus for all to see.
She basks in the attention...

She blooms into her destiny...
Till someone tries to tear her down,
Then curses her for her thorns
With offended hand bleeding...

From the rose this epiphany...
Excellence in self defense,
Only when harm is attempted,
Do her thorns come into play-

Appropriately assertive is the rose.

Land of Ought

Here I am living in the Land of Ought,
Pretending to be happy, but I'm not.
I've been doing everything I should,
I do what I'm told to do- to be good.

A prisoner here without chains on my feet
Living a life that is incomplete.
Just one golden shackle on my left hand
Keeps me imprisoned, here in Ought land.

Everything's fine as long as I stay
Within concrete walls, damp and grey.
There is no light, it's so dark and gloomy,
I long to see the sun and flowers blooming.

I'm told how to act, I'm told how to think,
How much more can my heart possibly sink?
Sleepily floating throughout life,
A prisoner, a slave, a mother and wife.
No more denial, being awake isn't easy,
Life is no longer so light and breezy,
I can't get back to unconscious sleep.
And the spacy contentment I can no longer keep.


Here I am in the Land Of Ought...
Imprisoned and acting just like I was taught,
but I want out of this prison here,
the door is open, but can I go there?

Something tells me that I might die,
But I'm already here almost dead inside.
I have to go, I want to survive,
I want to be happy and free...

Perplexed

Bumbling around in the dark,
Ever searching for the daylight,
Trying to find some passageway,
To get back to the light of day...

Then I see it, bright and enticing
I float over to see if it is real,
It lights the world from the inside out...
I figure that must be the passageway,
Back to the light of day...

Closer and closer I get,
I can feel the warmth, so inviting
I am mesmorized as I go up
to enter the passageway,
and get back to the light of day...

Then ZAP! Now burned I fall to the ground
in the darkness, paralized, unable to get up again.

I thought it was the way back to the land of the light...
I only got burned and now I lay in the dark perplexed.

Peace

In the center of the garden of Heaven,
I sit in the soft green grass.
Hidden behind the curtain of the beautiful weeping willow...
Singing with the music of the bubbling brook.
The strands of the leafy branches sway in the warm breeze,
Oh, what beauty, joy and peace.
This is where I dream to be...
Amongst creation most beautiful, surrounded by prisms of color so amazing,
The sweet fragrance of hope, and loveliness everywhere I look,
Sheltered by the shade of the wonderful willow, enveloped in warmth and peace.

Deep in the Well

I am feeling burried.
Deep in a well.
Cold dark and dank.
Down down down
At the deep dark bottom
Down down down,
Below the earth.

I was digging my way out
But now my hands are trapped
I am too deep down in this well.
More falls on my head
And I am tired of shaking it off.

I wish I could explode

Then the well would cave in

And I would have no choice but peace.

I wish I could rescue myself

And climb right out of here.

I am trapped, and more falls on my head.

I'll keep shaking it off to survive,

But I sure am stuck, here below the earth

Getting burried at the bottom of this cursed well.