There is a terrible and deep sadness with giving in,
It rings from the core out, shakes from deep within.

No longer holding together, the whole world cracks,
Then tension that was so intense, suddenly slacks-

Deafening silence after the ear-bursting boom,
Time to rest my murdered ideals in a tomb.

I was cold and frozen, my petals mostly fallen...
I thought that life was just like this; winds calling...
I used to be a bud naively opening to the world...
Looking back, I felt I must have been a stupid girl.

Blossomed and spent; youthful beauty, nevermore.
Love had become nothing but a necessary chore.
I had already bloomed, and was therefore spent...
I really thought that was how life for me went...

But then the winter passed, and after painful pruning,
I find the warmth of spring at last, to find I am blooming.
A new beginning, renewed and beautiful once again,
A new season, a new chance to be thankful for the rain.

Waiting by the Phone

Standing here arms out,
At the edge of the world,
Which way will I fall?
I’m up here balancing
On the knife’s edge,
Just as nervous as I can be,
Waiting for a sign, even a clue,
As to which way to go and
What I need to do…

Heart Song

Heart Song

You struck the first chord with your smiling eyes,
The tone that rang out- took me by surprise.

I’ll be your instrument; just play as you will.
Write me a song with your talent and skill.

The silence was deafening; now I want more,
Haven’t heard anything quite like this before.

I love how you bring the music out like you do.
Compose your masterpiece; I’ll sing it to you.

HOPE

Sorry

With the warmth of the fire still hot on my skin,
It’s so easy to want to promise the world,
With the smoke clouding up my head,
I tend to speak too soon only to be sorry~
Out of guilt I run faster than my mind will go,
And out of regret, I pull back- ashamed.

Stay behind...

Oops, did you try to rise up from the rubble,
Crawling out, covered in garbage and goo?
Being your friend was just too much trouble,
Stay gone, I want nothing to do with you.

Difficulties

The world has grown thick around me,
It's hard to move, difficult to breathe.
Oh life is weighing me down, weighing me down.

We've been on the brink for a while,
We couldn't possibly go on like this,
Now it's finally come crashing down, crashing down.

I will keep my head up, my eyes open,
Keep reaching for air, keep on treading,
Never give up, I refuse to drown, refuse to drown.

I've hit a wall but I'll find a way through,
This is my battle- nothing you can do,
Til I set my feet on solid ground, solid ground.

I went out to feel the embrace of the sun,
But as I looked up, rain stung my eye.
It’s not supposed to be cold like this,
This is not the right season for rain,
Guess I’ll go back down and hibernate,
And dream that I have sunshine again.

RIP R. W.

One moment of impulse
And the world is stopped.
One moment of weakness
So many lives are rocked,
It took only one moment
It cannot be taken back.

Would you change your mind,
If you’d had the chance?
If you could see the ripple,
The change in circumstance?
If you had thought about
The tears of those you’d loved?

Moot after just one moment-
You’re forever gone.

Speaking Out

I want to call out, but then I can't say your name.
I want to play, really want to, But not at this game.
I wish I knew what to say, wish I knew how to speak,
How to walk and interpret the hieroglyphics of sleep.

I wish I was normal, yeah if only- you know I am not.
I am not warm, nor am I cool. I'm ice cold or red hot.
Speak to me with the poetry experienced in dreams.
I cannot understand, but I think I get what it means.

Apples

Working too hard for so little gain,
My hopes are essentially dashed.
Why does this life have to be so hard?
What questions should I have asked?

This should have been different; better,
And I know that it's because of me,
I have done everything I can imagine,
Apples just don't fall far from the tree.

Living in the shadow of my self,
I wonder what it would be like
To stand on my own feet,
To freely live my life…

I am an intricate outline,
Waiting to be colored in,
Ready to escape this cocoon,
And try out my newfound wings.

IF

If I was smarter, I would know how to tie up these loose ends.
If I was stronger, I would pull them tight.
If I cared less, it would be better,
If I was heartless, I wouldn't cry at night.

If I were older, I would have gone through this,
I would be finished, I would have grown already.
If I were wiser, I'd know to rip the bandaid off,
Instead of pulling slowly, hoping it'll hurt less.


Wisdom said to wait, wait; and I waited.
My heart said to try, try; and I tried...
The bandaid has to come off sometime,
Wet it down, rip it off, it's going to hurt-
Yes it'll hurt, but the pain will soon be over.

Sojourn

I’m so tired, walking through the sand,
Driving on, there’s little time for rest.
Looking back, I make deliberate steps,
My destination's distance is unknown.

I’ve been doused by torrential rains,
My skin scorched by the blazing heat,
Threatened by dangerous animals,
Still, I push on with determination.

No turning back from this journey of tears,
All other paths have been exhausted.
It is time, and I am now strong enough.
The sun sets on my thirst-derived mirage:

I dream of the lovely Weeping Willow,
I’ll finally lay down on the green grass,
Sheltered by the curtain of her branches,
She calls to me, Peace calls to me.

I will not deviate from my chosen path,
I must follow through to the end,
I must sojourn through the desolation,
To be purged and find peace with myself.

Healed but There.

I carry my scars with me; the worst cannot be seen,
I won’t deny their existence, or deny where I’ve been.
I don’t hide my scars, so I’m different from you,
You’ll count it against me; it’s just what you do.

Yes, I’ve been hurt, and I’ve worked hard to heal.
I’ve come through the fire, stronger and more real.
My scars don’t define who I am; they are a sign,
Of the battles fought and lessons learned over time.

Beware

I am a lioness. No one shall hold me down.
I am tender with my young, a great provider.
I am at once wild and soft with my lover,
And I will tear up any who threaten me or mine.

RAWR.

Lessons shared

Slow, roll, look, press...
Turn up the throttle and go.
If there is an obstacle,
(and there will be obstacles),
Don't stare and dwell on them-
Look where you're going,
Stop thinking about it,
Just decide and execute.

No breaking in the corner,
No slowing down, just go.
Act like you're not afraid,
Like the obstacles won't hurt,
Distractions can be deadly,
It's time for decisiveness,
Plan your line and follow it,
Or guaranteed, you'll crash.

I need to trade my heavy sighs for deep breaths,
To slumber in peace instead of exhausted tears,
Changing my distraction into productivity,
Throwing away the mask and smiling for real.

When?

When will the rain let up? I’m drenched.
Carrying a load that’s too heavy to bear,
I need the sunshine’s warmth and light,
But only the storm clouds surround me.

Will this night never end? It’s so dark.
Stumbling under the weight of it all,
I watch for the dawn when I can see.
Not a star in the sky to guide me now.

When will I find dry land at last?
Walking on the bottom of the ocean,
Longing for the fresh air to breathe,
The world is blurred and heavy here.

When will I be free from sadness?
“Wait,” says intuition, “Wait.”
Pushing for the day I’ll be okay.
I’m engulfed by emotion for now.

Into the Desert

Walking away from my love and heart,
But it’s just as big as it was at the start.
I look back; the horizon is the same,
My longing for him, an undying flame.

Sweetness and love I treasured there,
I’m walking away to a land that’s bare,
Into the wilderness to wander alone,
To purge bad habits to which I’m prone…

Looking back to see how far I’ve come,
Still too close to where I started from,
Ah love, pain, and nights spent awake,
I’m walking on to heal this heartbreak.

Every step taken brings progress nye,
Time slowed down since we said goodbye.
I’ll keep going until this pain fades,
Then I’ll be able to rest in the shade.

We each had a knitting needle, mine on the left, and yours on the right.
We started knitting our lives together, rhythmically working…
We each knitted in our personal desires, feelings, and goals,
A colorful arrangement: some cool, some warm, some hot…

Each of us adding in parts of ourselves; our own styles and flair,
Then we lost our rhythm and started working at opposing speeds.
The relationship we were knitting became skewed, crooked.
We sought help to correct it, but fast, slow, slow, fast…

Pushing and pulling, our work of art became a tangled mess.
It was time to cut our way out of it, and learn from our mistakes.
For one, our desires of silk and wool don't knit together well.
Two, we have other works to accomplish before we can knit again.

Sadly, I look around and begin cleaning up the mess.

Too Tight

I sang to you as your circled me,
Binding me as you were bound,
Mutually attached, tightly knit.

I asked you to loosen the binds,
I couldn’t sing like I used to.
The binds were loosened, but then,
The restraints tightened again.
You said I needed to hold them,
I only wanted to sing.

I held them the best I could,
Keeping the tightness at bay,
Tighter and tighter you pulled,
And little by little I gave way.

I forgot the words to my song.
You bade me “Sing, love, sing.”
I tried, but out came silence.
I needed to be set free.

Friendship

Ah the giggle of the bubbling brook,
The lovely sway of the Willow tree,
The waft of flowers upon the breeze...
and a pool of water, refreshing and sweet.

The love of friends- sometimes a trickle,
Sometimes a river flowing strong.
The connection flows to me from above,
And out through the joyful brook and on.

Feverish

The water can’t reach the cold in my bones,

Stepping into the cold air, I feel too warm.

Like a sheet flapping in an angry wind,

The fog flaps at the sides of my vision.

I feel like I’ve been kicked in the head…

Ah exhaustion, take me through this.

My Life

I realize I have too much on my plate and its all starting to fall and stain the floor.
My life is too full of clutter to find a place to put the plate so I can clean up the mess.
I look around and see you, and you have your own full plate, though you offer to help.
The longer the issues stay on the carpet, the harder it will be to get the stains out.
I must take some time to clean my plate, to clear the clutter, to scrub the floor.
Then I can smile and let love in when it comes again, knocking on my door.

Wolf Moon

I went out and turned circles, scanning the sky.
Yes indeed, indeed it is a dark lonely night.
I looked for the moon and Mars next to it,
But I saw nothing in the sky, nothing lit.

Oh the moon, ever there, ever changing too.
Sometimes full sometimes not; like me and you.
I'm still scanning, love, looking for a hint of light,
It's supposed to be big, but there's no moon in sight.

I am so tired from it controlling my tides,
Such ups and downs, too wild of a ride.
Maybe the moon is better all hidden in the dark,
Instead of lighting the way for lovers in the park.

I looked, my love, I looked so earnestly,
Hoping for the hope and the light I didn't see.
Our passion is strong, bright behind the clouds,
Behind the pain and the rain and all these doubts.

I feel the shaking under my feet-
I thought I was firmly grounded,
I start falling as I'm informed...
I was standing on a cloud.

The ground slips out from under me,
I grasp for balance, for stability...
Alas, I find none. Such is life.

Manipulation

To bring out a smile,
Now that's a skill.
That's ability.
That's power.
That's influence.
A useful tool for a manipulative being...

To bring out reaction,
Now that's nature,
Consequences for action.
Action for reaction,
Willingness for effort,
manipulation...

To bring out fear,
Reaction for action,
The wrong kind of power,
Not respect but close,
It's a trade-off,
Oh manipulation...

To bring out guilt,
Acting for reaction,
Weakness for results,
Wounded and wronged
As presented anyway,
Manipulation...

To bring out love,
give for take,
selfless for unconditional,
Patience for peace-
That appears to be different...
To the manipulative, it's not.

C-H Family

Oh the joy on your face,
They grow at such a pace,
Before you and I know,
They'll be full grown,
In a blink of an eye,
Graduation'll be nigh,
I'll watch them grow
in still scenes, you know,
That's enough for me,
To see you all so happy!

HOPE!!

There’s light at the end of this dark tunnel,
There’s light at the end, I can see it!
Now only to figure out how far,
How far and if I can reach it…
A week and a day? A lifetime perhaps?
There’s no telling from this circumstance,
But finally I see it, the light at the end,
And I hope I no longer have to pretend
That everything is okay or at least will be,
I can see the light, the point I’ll be free.