Speaking Out

I want to call out, but then I can't say your name.
I want to play, really want to, But not at this game.
I wish I knew what to say, wish I knew how to speak,
How to walk and interpret the hieroglyphics of sleep.

I wish I was normal, yeah if only- you know I am not.
I am not warm, nor am I cool. I'm ice cold or red hot.
Speak to me with the poetry experienced in dreams.
I cannot understand, but I think I get what it means.

Apples

Working too hard for so little gain,
My hopes are essentially dashed.
Why does this life have to be so hard?
What questions should I have asked?

This should have been different; better,
And I know that it's because of me,
I have done everything I can imagine,
Apples just don't fall far from the tree.

Living in the shadow of my self,
I wonder what it would be like
To stand on my own feet,
To freely live my life…

I am an intricate outline,
Waiting to be colored in,
Ready to escape this cocoon,
And try out my newfound wings.

IF

If I was smarter, I would know how to tie up these loose ends.
If I was stronger, I would pull them tight.
If I cared less, it would be better,
If I was heartless, I wouldn't cry at night.

If I were older, I would have gone through this,
I would be finished, I would have grown already.
If I were wiser, I'd know to rip the bandaid off,
Instead of pulling slowly, hoping it'll hurt less.


Wisdom said to wait, wait; and I waited.
My heart said to try, try; and I tried...
The bandaid has to come off sometime,
Wet it down, rip it off, it's going to hurt-
Yes it'll hurt, but the pain will soon be over.