Indifference

Always striving, always wanting,
Always struggling, always hunting,
Always awake, wishing for sleep,
Always in turmoil, longing for peace.

When will these struggles, struggles end?
You want to keep going, again and again.
You say it gets better, but it never does,
You say it will return, but it never was!
It never was healthy, it never was true.
It was a fear-performance, geared to you.

I can no longer stand to live on a stage.
I can no longer hold in resentment and rage.
I don't want to pretend that this life is okay,
I have just found myself, and won't go away.

I am who I am, I've discovered anew.
It doesn't go with how you want me to.
I am who I am, and I'll stay like this.
Though it's the passive me that you miss.

It is how it is, let's look at the core,
Indifference at best, there is no more.
Indifference, a "dark aura around my soul",
But how did it get there, Dark as coal?
It was experience, so up and so down,
Every day, every day, I cried at your frown.

Threaten to end it, I won't get upset.
You try your fear tactics, my response to get.
I'm not afraid anymore, I'm stronger now.
You try to hurt me but no longer know how.

You hate that I'll walk if the abuse resumes,
You hate when I no longer feel the dooms,
When you threaten to leave, it makes me yawn
Cause I'm indifferent, and I am that strong.
Not that I don't care, don't get me wrong...

If I didn't care at all, I wouldn't be here,
We've been together more than 13 years,
I did all I could now I have nothing left,
No more tears to cry- indifference at best.
Believe me, right now, that's as good as it gets.