Tears fall

Tears fall and with each one,
A bit of poison leaves-gone
It hurts as each one comes out,
At God I want to scream and shout.

A plan for me I was told He had,
A plan for me not to be so sad,
A plan for my good and not dismay
But for so many years did I pray...

I finally gave up, it's not His will.
He isn't He, Nor is "He" Female.
Oh God, why now, when I gave up?
Why now would Your answer be so abrupt?

Why would he be everything I want-ed,
After I gained the strength- my weakness confronted?
Is it all a sham, this time is it really true?
Is this a change that has come from You?

Tears of anger fall from my eyes,
Like acid rain falling from the skies,
It burns, and yes, I'm still awake,
My heart, Lord! My heart so aches!
Comfort me, please help me be strong!

I will not go backward, that would be wrong.
I will move forward, I will move on,
Past this pain and these tears held so long.
I will I will I WILL again find Joy,
I don't really care if it is (or not) a ploy,
I'm tempted but I will not give in,
And go back to that place I've already been.

I will, I will be strong on my own,
Knowing Your will is never truly known,
Because You choose to remain a Mystery,
and I will be strong through this misery...

You make me strong. God help me hold on!!!